


If It's love don't hate it

by AlFair



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bottom Jensen Ackles, Emotional Hurt, Hurt Jensen Ackles, J2, Jensen is afraid of those three words', Love Confessions, M/M, Older Jensen Ackles, Past Relationship(s), Protective Jared, Top Jared Padalecki, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:21:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25843507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlFair/pseuds/AlFair
Summary: Everything was perfect, it was going super well, Jensen was happy, he hadn’t felt like this in so long. Until Jared said those three words, eight letters
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki, past Jensen Ackles/Misha Collins
Kudos: 36





	If It's love don't hate it

Everything was perfect, it was going super well, Jensen was happy, he hadn’t felt like this in so long. Until Jared said those _three words, eight letters._

Sure, they dated almost 5 months, couples supposed to say that sometime in their relationship, it was obviously time for them to get even more serious.

Jensen though, always had problems expressing his thoughts or his emotions and feelings. He never said ‘ _I love you’_ to his own family, it was too hard for him to just mouth those big words, _especially after last time._

It scared the hell out of him. He said those cursed words once and everything went downhill from there. That day Jensen swore he’ll never be a fool. _He just couldn’t let his guard down._

Even with Jared, his 5-month amazing boyfriend who did nothing but bring him happiness, he was dreading this moment, so when he said it after they just finished fucking like animals all day, Jared came hard, holding the green-eyed man tight. The words unfortunately weren’t in the heat of the moment.

Jared looked at him straight into his eyes, so deeply, so adoringly, his dark long locks falling on Jensen’s cheeks, tickling his cheekbones in the best way possible. His eyes were dark and sparkled at the same time, those dreadful words coming out so easily.

Jensen had froze, Jared loved him, he said it and he meant it.

Jensen started to panic; he was still as a statue as Jared’s bare body was on top of him. He looked at him so dumbly, eyes wide, lips part open. The long-haired man was smiling, a soft smile that made Jensen melt and breaks at the same time.

Jensen let out a choked exhale, his hands dropping from his boyfriends’ broad shoulders, his heart clenching painfully when Jared’s beautiful smile faded, his expression confused, and Jensen just had to finish him completely when he pulled away from Jared’s hold, getting up from the bed.

“Baby?” Jared asked, voice breaking a bit, Jensen ignored him, as much as it hurt like a fucking hell. _His mind was blurry_.

The green-eyed man started dressing up quickly. He doesn’t know why he’s acting like that.

_Why the hell it scares me so much?_

_What is wrong with me?_

Jared was waiting for him to say it back, the thing is…Jensen always shoved any kind of emotion. Sure, he showed his love and affection with actions.

But vocal love was so different, _especially after that night…_

“Jensen?” Jared’s voice sounded panicked as he got from the bed as well.

After putting on his grey sweats and a t-shirt Jensen tried not to look at Jared as he approached him, he was still naked.

_Fuck._

He felt his eyes burn and his throat suddenly very dry. Past images on his mind started to haunt him as he remembered _him_.

“You don’t understand…” Jensen started, and he couldn’t stop himself.

_Misha wrapped his arms happily around Jensen’s neck, smile wide and eyes sparkling the prettiest blue ever. He said yes. Yes._

_Jensen was so happy when he heard those words slipping from his fiancé’s mouth as they kissed deeply. The dark night sky shining with moonlight._

_Then everything happened so quickly, a guy with a gun threatens them as they were the most vulnerable ever in each other’s arms._

_“Come on fags, give me your money!” he shouted, voice dark and disgustingly nervous._

_Misha was about to turn, Jensen held him tighter, trying to push him away, his heart beating 3 beats in a second. This isn’t happening…_

_Not in the best day of his life…_

_Misha gave him a calm nod, but Jensen was about to fall, his knees weak as he looked at the gun pointing at them._

_He pleaded with his eyes Misha to just drop their wallets and get the hell away from here. But Misha like the brave person he was stood in front of him, holding his hands up to surrender but still shielding Jensen._

_“Hey, buddy come on relax…” The guy was young, almost eighteen, he was shaking as he pointed the gun, eyes wide as if he himself didn’t believe what he was about to do._

_That’s why Misha tried to calm him, he had a weakness for young people, he was a high-school teacher after all._

_“Mish…” Jensen whispered panicked as his fiancé stepped closer to the gun._

_Then everything happened so fast, the sirens, the sound of a gunshot, Jensen ‘s vision was blurry when he stared at Misha’s lying body on the ground._

_There was blood, screams, more gunshots._

_Jensen shouted at the top of his lungs as he fell on his knees next to his blue-eyed angel’s lifeless body._

_No, no, no, no._

_NO!_

_“I love you…” were the last words Misha told him, the bullet was by chance just accurately right in his heart. Tears started streaming as he screamed, bringing he’s fiancé’s face to his neck, holding him there, choking and sobbing, begging the blue-eyed man to wake up and come back to him._

“It’s just so scary… _I’m so scared_ …” he choked finishing.

Jared’s eyes were glossy as he looked at Jensen, hurt flushing listening every single word the green-eyed man said.

And that’s how the best day in his life turned into a nightmare.

It took 10 years for him to finally start dating and letting himself trust someone else, he was thirty-six years old for God’s sake, but those words… those cursed words made Jensen feel panic, blue eyes permanently haunting his mind.

He was afraid to hear them, dreading something horrible to happen.

Jared was younger and fought for him, chased him even though Jensen closed himself, the tall bartender making his way to Jensen’s life and making him the happiest after that horrible nightmare he was alive to experience.

 _“Babe…”_ Jared touched his cheek carefully, like he was afraid the older man will pull away.

“Hey, look at me…Nothing will happen to me, you’re not getting rid of me so easily.” The younger man gave him a small sad smile, seconds later Jared pulled him into his toned chest.

“Thank you for telling me.”

Jensen melted, inhaling his heady scent as he buried his face into the younger man’s neck.

“I’m sorry for how I reacted…” his eyes shutting as he gripped on Jared. The hazel-eyed man kissed his hair, running a hand on his spine.

“I love you, Jensen…you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Jensen believed him, trusted him _, loved him_ , he just needed to let go, it might be scary, but past is _past._

Misha would want him to move on, be happy, and of course not be afraid of those words.

Later, after Jensen undressed and lied on Jared’s chest as he slept, he nosed the hazel-eyed man’s jaw lovingly, caressing those toned abs, he couldn’t help but feel lucky as hell.

“I love you too.” He whispered giving a peck on Jared’s stubbly cheek. Jensen fell asleep smiling, hope blossoming in his chest.

**Author's Note:**

> Not Destiel, but I lowkey ship hard J2 (Not Sam/Dean)
> 
> If u enjoyed this angsty one shot, let me know in the comments.  
> kudos are always appreciated. <3   
> xx Al


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